The Moon is Beautiful Tonight, So do You

Hari ini kepalaku sakit sebelah. Kupikir ini efek samping vaksin yang kuterima beberapa hari yang lalu, tsetelah kuingat-ingat lagi, ternyata aku belum makan siang. Hehehe.

source respectfully from here

I'm so aware that I'm not getting lunch and just eat a piece of cake that I bought yesterday, but I'm too lazy to moving my ass and cook something.

It's like everyone moving forward really fast, have a better job, start a family, having boyfie or girlfriend, got a scholarship, buy new gadget, and anything else that will trigger their happiness while here, I'm still like this, the same person from yearrrrrssss ago. It's not like I'm not happy with them or my friends (how evil would it be), but how I can say ya... Ummm... it's like I want to achieve something that I can show off to other people. When I look at other person achievements, I was starting to compare them with myself, which I know is unhealthy. That's why deleted some of my social media for months, but because of work, I installed it again (and I'm planning to uninstall it again), you know to avoid myself feel small and start to pitied my self again.

It's evil, I know it. For me and for other people,  and I'm aware of that I can't control what other people have but I can control what I feel. I have me.

So yeah, I'm still trying to make myself happy in my way.  I still have a steady job, I have places that I can call home, my brother and sister doing great, and my friends happy. 

it's okay to feel sad and lonely, but why should I keep myself like that? Why I'm not yet starting to make myself comfortable and accepting what I have now?

I am the Main Character of My Life, and I will Start Like I am. Start to feel comfortable with my flaws, laugh at myself, treat myself better, listen to what my heart says, and only focus on what I can do.

On my last birthday, I bought a ukulele and it's the best purchase I do for now. I like playing it, and every time I can play half or full song correctly I feel awesome. I feel like I'm smart and I achieve something. And I want to feel like that in every aspect of my life. I want to learn something new, I want to be better than I'm now, and even if I have a lot of flaws I want to be able to be comfortable and love myself. Hehehe.

If I look back on my past life, I'm very thankful I still alive and survive. And I believe I can do more in the future.

 

Oh. I want to buy a plant!