Hey, It's Okay

here

Hey Rin!

I know this week kinda hard for you ehm, for our heart. You know, we put too much hope on something that we not really sure about it. We are new for this thing and afraid, of course! We are confused and it's like our feeling are hanging in the cloud.  

Baper

pinterest

Jangan datang lagi,

hatiku mudah goyah.

Rini yang Membingungkan

Pinterest

Membingungkan.

Mungkin inilah salah satu kata yang cocok untuk mendeskripsikan diriku.

Terkadang apa yang kukatakan ke orang lain, tidak sejalan dengan isi pikiranku.

Dengan segala keragu-raguanku, orang-orang bertanya-tanya tentang isi kepalaku.

Menjengkelkan memang, karena aku pun kesal dengan diriku sendiri yang seperti ini.

Kinda of Sentimental Day

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This year, I passed several days that I think that I'm very sentimental that time. Today that happen again.

Today, I feel so much hope.

Scare and What If

source

Desperately want to graduate from college this year.

Get a job for teaching in school.

Then have a saving account for my sisters' (in case) education.

But thought of something can go wrong, something that come out of nowhere and hit you in reality, fear of nothing makes me startled.

What if.

What if.

What if I'm stupid?

What if I'm not worth of it?

What if people think I'm unskilled?

What if nobody want to hire me?

What if I will leave behind?

What if the thing that wrong is me?

[Cerita Film] Sekala Niskala (The Seen and Unseen) I'm Thinking!

Sekala Niskala [Source]

Hola!

Jadi hari ini aku mau cerita-cerita tentang film Indonesia yang beberapa hari (minggu) lalu aku tonton, yaitu Sekala Niskala. Film ini di Makassar cuma tayang dua hari saja, yaitu tanggal 8-9 Maret. Kutelat dapat infonya, dan nanti setelah temanku bikin instastory tentang film ini baru kungeh kalua ternyata sudah lewat jadwalnya, huhuhu. Eh tapi yha,s etelah cari-cari tahu dan ini dikasih tahu sama teman juga (Thanks Dira!) ternyata ada acara nobar film ini di Mall Panakukang. Oke, yokkkk nonton deh. Cus aja meskipun nonton sendirian tanpa pendamping, uwuwuwu.

How do You Feel?

pict from here

I still have struggle to have my time management work. Actually, I don't have time management. Same as manage money, I can't keep my time and do work to thing that should I finished now, skripsi.

Yeah, I know. I keep endless grumbling about my final task that never done, actually I never work on it. I just keep thinking, over thinking, feel awful for not getting it done, regret it miserably and keep doing it again. 

I go nowhere. Keep standing in here, not standing anymore. Melting to the mop of depressing feeling.

Not okay now, but still alive.

[School Rant] They Playing Games All The Time!

Source

Hola, sobat depresyqu~

So di postingan kali ini aku mau cerita tentang temanku yang sekarang ini mengajar di salah satu SMA di Makassar. Dia ini kayak semacam mengabdi gitu kan ya. Fresh from college, berjiwa muda, bisa diandalkan tapi kere dalam pengalaman. Jadinya, ketika ada ajakan untuk mengajar di sekolah, Hmmm why not? Untuk menambah pengalaman kan ya, dari pada tidur-tiduran ongkang-ongkang kaki di rumah yang semakin menunjukkan kalau diri ini adalah pengangguran yang berpotensi bikin publik resah.

What are You Doing?!!!!1111!!!

I made it! Just finish the base.

: Ummm, Rin, what are you doing?

: I'm crocheting.

: Can you tell me why you do that?

: Because I want it!

: I think you have something more important that crocheting.

: I can’t help but keep thinking about it. I want to do this now. You can’t wait for creativity! It will... it will disappear, the urge to make something by your own hand and you will feel empty, and it will blow your mind and you will sad.

: But you have---

: Don't tell me what I should do.

: But I---

: Fine! Fine! Fine!

: Stop it now. And please, do everything you should and finish it today.

: Finish it? My crochet project?

: No!!!! You asjdhfjdsgkl!@#$%^&*!!!!

: You don't have to be so upset.

: You dumb. Doing stupid thing all the time.

: You are the cruelest person I ever know. Why I’m stuck with you?

: Keep saying that thing. That will not change that you and me are the same person.

: I hate you.

: Like I’m not. Puh-leaseeeeee. Do your work. I’m tired at the same stage all the time with this whinny-whinny-stress-piñata above me. It’s like they can explode any time.

: Hah.I will end this part, and do my 'important work'. Okay?

: *give intense stare* I'm watching you!

***

Just some random people talking inside my head.

I know I should continue to work at my skripsi, it's already fourth... fifth day since i abandoned them? I feel tired all the time and I don't know the reason why I feel like that. 

Well, now... I should continue work on my skripsi. I should finish one chapter before I start my crochet again (or something else).

#badgrammar

#peopleinthecityofmyhead

Cerita Bodo-Bodo Dulu

here

Hola, kembali lagi ke Diary Depresyqu.

Hum.

How my feeling today?

Numb. Yeah, I'm numb. Not happy, not sad, exhauted, yes. Tired, yes. Too sensitive, easily iritated with some 'noise'.

Aku mau memulai episode mengeluh-mengeluhku karena diri ini yang yah sangat payah sekali. Hal yang sama berulang-ulang kali.

Where is my will? Where is my life? What should I do? Why I'm like this?

Doing sme shit over and over again. What should I do to stop living like this? This miserable life?Stop doing stupid thing?

Someone deep inside the forest of thought in my head: Start by doing your shit done, bastard!

I Don't Know How To

yeah?

Akhir-akhir ini gue ngerasa makin berat aja hidup gue. Kenapa?

Nggak tahu. Ada masa di mana hal-hal random, perasaan-perasaan acak mampir begitu saja di dalam kepala gue dan mengacak-acak isinya.